How to Win at Work
- Yas Ahmad
- Apr 12
- 32 min read
Updated: 6 hours ago
Ever feel like your workplace is a minefield of bad bosses, toxic teammates, and tricky career moves? You’re not alone. Navigating these challenges can be tough, but it’s absolutely possible with the right game plan. Consider this your playbook for handling common workplace problems with confidence. In each section, we’ll tackle a specific real-world problem professionals face and break down a simple “try this” solution – complete with examples and pro tips. Let’s dive in.
For my Latest ebooks with complete breakdowns, even more in depth details, exact scripts that all my clients use and more check the links below!
The Situation: You love your work – but your boss, not so much. Maybe they micromanage your every move, provide zero guidance, or take credit for your efforts. Working for a difficult manager can drain your motivation and confidence. (No surprise that one in two employees have actually left a job just to escape a bad manager) So what do you do when you can’t stand the person in charge?
Try This: Manage Up and Set Boundaries. You might not be able to change your boss’s personality, but you can change how you interact with them. Here are some strategies to try:
Anticipate and Proactively Communicate: If your boss is on your case constantly, try “managing up.” For example, send them regular brief updates before they have to ask. By anticipating their questions or needs, you show initiative and potentially reduce their urge to micromanage. If they know you’re on top of things, they may ease off.
Clarify Expectations: Bad bosses often seem to change the goal posts or give confusing instructions. Don’t shy away from asking clarifying questions. Try summarizing their requests back to them: “Just to confirm, you’d like X by Friday, and the report should include Y, correct?” Follow up important conversations with a quick email recap. This creates a paper trail and ensures you’re on the same page.
Set Professional Boundaries: Some bosses will email or call at all hours or expect you to be available 24/7. Unless it’s truly urgent, establish your own boundaries by responding during reasonable hours. You can politely say, “I’ll have an update for you first thing in the morning.” Over time, consistent behavior defines what is acceptable. Setting boundaries isn’t about being defiant – it’s about teaching others how to treat you.
Document and Stay Organized: If your boss’s behavior crosses into truly problematic (like yelling, insults, or unfair blame), document it. Keep a log of key incidents, save those late-night demanding emails, and note any witnesses. This isn’t petty; it’s protecting yourself. If things ever escalate to HR or higher management, you’ll have clear examples to back you up. Also, document your own accomplishments. A bad boss might overlook your contributions, so keep track to bolster your case in performance reviews or if you decide to transfer or leave.
Example in Action: Here’s a personal example – I once had a boss who would CC the entire team (and his own boss!) whenever he spotted a mistake in my work. It was humiliating and killed team morale. Instead of firing off an angry reply, I tried a different approach. I began sending him a weekly status email each Friday, highlighting what I’d accomplished and what was on deck for next week. I also acknowledged any small mistake upfront with a quick note on how I was addressing it. This did two things: it preempted his need to call me out publicly (since I was owning my issues proactively), and it reminded everyone of the volume of good work I was doing. Over the next few weeks, his public scoldings slowed down. He even started using my status email format to have the whole team report their progress. It wasn’t a total personality transplant, but managing up in this way saved me a lot of stress and preserved my reputation.
Pro Tips: If you’re dealing with a bad boss, remember these extra tips:
Don’t Take It Personally: A lot of times, a manager’s poor behavior is about their own pressure or lack of skills, not you. It’s hard, but try to separate your self-worth from their moods. Focus on doing your job well and seek validation from mentors or peers.
Find Allies and Mentors: Forge relationships with other managers or higher-ups through cross-functional projects or informal chats. A mentor in the company can give you advice on handling your boss, or even intervene subtly if they see you being treated unfairly. Plus, if your boss is truly holding you back, having a positive reputation with others can open doors to other positions (more on that later!).
Know When to Escalate or Exit: There’s a difference between a boss who’s tough and one who’s toxic. If you’ve tried everything and the situation is impacting your mental health or career growth, it might be time to involve HR or start exploring other opportunities. No job is worth your dignity. Sometimes the smartest way to “win” is to move on, and that’s okay. (Remember, plenty of people leave bad bosses – you’re in good company.)
Want more on dealing with tough bosses? I’m putting together a free masterclass covering this and other workplace challenges – stay tuned at the end of this post for how to join the waitlist! 😉
The Situation: Maybe it’s not your boss, but a colleague making your work life miserable. We’ve all encountered that coworker from hell – the gossip who spreads negativity, the slacker who dumps their work on you, or the bully who undercuts you in meetings. A toxic teammate can kill your morale and productivity. In fact, dealing with a toxic colleague is so draining that 80% of employees report spending time at work and even at home worrying about a coworker’s rude or bad behaviorgetmarlee.com. It’s not just you – one bad apple really can spoil the bunch. So, how do you cope without losing your cool (or your sanity)?
Try This: Don’t Sink to Their Level – Stay Professional and Strategic. When faced with a toxic colleague, you need a game plan to protect yourself and your mindset. Here’s what to try:
Set Boundaries in Interaction: Keep interactions with the toxic person strictly professional. If they love to gossip or complain, don’t feed the conversation. You can politely excuse yourself or steer the talk back to work topics (“I have to get back to this deadline, let’s catch up later”). Limit one-on-one time with them if you can. Remember, you’re not obliged to be best friends – you just need a workable professional relationship.
Document Your Work and Conversations: Just as with a bad boss, documentation is your friend with a toxic coworker, especially if they tend to play blame games. Save emails, take notes in meetings (and send a recap afterwards confirming who owns which task). If they promise to do something and don’t, having it in writing will help cover you. This isn’t about tattling; it’s about CYA (Covering Your Assets) in case your colleague’s behavior affects your work.
Rise Above (Kill ’em with Kindness – or at Least Neutrality): Toxic people often want a reaction. If your colleague is passive-aggressive or openly rude, responding in kind can escalate the drama – which ultimately can make you look bad too. Instead, respond with calm professionalism. For example, if they make a snide remark in a meeting like “Oh, I guess you would handle it that way,” take a breath and reply neutrally: “Could be. I find this method works well – I’m open if you have suggestions, though.” This kind of response diffuses their jab and shows others you’re not taking the bait. Often, a toxic person will back off when they see they’re not getting under your skin.
Build Your Support Network: Counteract the negative influence by strengthening ties with positive colleagues. Focus on teamwork with those you trust. Not only will this boost your mood, but if a toxic coworker tries to bad-mouth you, others who know you well can defend your reputation. Sometimes, simply not being isolated is enough to blunt a bully’s impact. You might even find that others have had similar issues with this person – there’s strength in numbers if you ever need to report a pattern of bad behavior.
Know Your Red Lines: If the colleague’s toxicity crosses into harassment, discrimination, or anything that violates company policy or your personal safety, don’t handle it alone. Document as mentioned, and bring it to a manager or HR’s attention sooner rather than later. Companies have a duty to provide a safe work environment. Even if it’s “small” things like constant snide comments, if you’ve politely asked the person to stop and they haven’t, loop in your manager for advice. Your peace of mind matters.
Example in Action: I once worked with someone who we’ll call “Negative Nancy.” Every single day, Nancy would bad-mouth our clients, our boss, our teammates – it was nonstop negativity. I noticed I started each morning dreading the catch-up chat because I knew she’d find something to complain about. It was bringing me down, and I even caught myself joining in just to bond. This was a wake-up call! Misery loves company, and I didn’t want to become miserable too. So I made a conscious effort to change the dynamic. When Nancy started gossiping, I’d listen briefly (we all need to vent sometimes) but then I’d gently pivot the convo: “I hear you – hey, by the way, did you see the email about the new project? What do you think about it?” Or I’d politely excuse myself to get coffee and then dive into work. At first, she noticed I wasn’t indulging in the gossip and she actually asked if everything was okay. I said I was trying to stay focused and positive because I had a lot on my plate. A subtle hint, but I kept it about me. Over a few weeks, she got the hint that I wasn’t going to join the negativity club. She still vented, but not as much to me, and eventually found other outlets. I also made sure to buddy up with more positive teammates, which kept my spirits up. The takeaway: once I stopped engaging with her toxic talk, it lost power over me.
Pro Tips: Here are some extra pointers for toxic colleague situations:
Don’t Gossip About the Gossiper: It’s tempting to complain about a toxic coworker to other coworkers. Venting one-on-one to a trusted friend is one thing, but be careful about sounding like you’re spreading gossip or ganging up. Workplace reputations stick, so keep it professional. If you need to discuss the problem, do it with someone who can actually help (a mentor, manager, or HR).
Take Care of Yourself: Dealing with negativity can be exhausting. Make time after work to do things that recharge you and remind you of the world outside the office. Whether it’s hitting the gym, playing with your kids, or binge-watching a comedy, prioritize some joy to shake off the work stress. It’ll help you build resilience to face another day.
Focus on Your Performance: At the end of the day, your best “revenge” is success. Don’t let a toxic person make you stoop to their level or slack on your duties. Keep doing your job well, document your achievements, and shine. It not only protects your position, it also shows others (including higher-ups) that you rise above challenges – a true mark of professionalism. And if the toxicity ever makes you question your abilities, remember that it’s their issue, not yours. Believe in your own track record.
For my Latest ebooks with complete breakdowns, even more in depth details, exact scripts that all my clients use and more check the links below!
The Situation: Sometimes the best opportunity is right under your nose, within your current company. Perhaps you’ve mastered your role and are itching for a new challenge, or you see a cool project in another department and want in. Making an internal transfer – whether it’s a promotion (moving up) or a shift to a different team (moving over) – can be a smart career move. It can also be delicate: you might worry about loyalty (“Will my boss feel betrayed?”) or competition (“Am I even qualified for that other role?”). The good news is companies often prefer to hire from within; internal hires tend to perform well and stick around longer(news.cornell.edu), so you’re not crazy for wanting to grow where you’re already planted. Here’s how to navigate an internal move strategically.
Try This: Plan and Professionalize Your Internal Job Hunt. Treat an internal transfer almost like an external job search, but with insider advantages. Steps to consider:
Start with Self-Reflection: Get clear on why you want this move. Is it for career advancement, more interesting work, a better team culture, or something else? Also assess your skills against the target role. Identify the gaps you might need to fill. This reflection not only prepares you to explain your move, it also ensures you’re pursuing something that truly aligns with your goals (not just running away from your current job).
Research the Role and Team: Use your insider knowledge. Read the internal job posting carefully (if there is one). Talk discreetly to someone who’s in that department or who has a similar role. What do they actually do day-to-day? What skills are critical? Showing up to an internal interview with a nuanced understanding of the role will impress the hiring manager. Plus, you might discover the role isn’t what you thought, which is good to know before you jump.
Talk to Your Manager (if feasible): This can be the hardest part – telling your boss you want to move. Yet, in many cases, a good manager will support your growth. Frame it positively: emphasize what you’ve learned under them and why you’re excited about this new opportunity. For example: “I’ve really grown in this team, and because of that I feel ready to contribute at a higher level, possibly in [Target Department]. I wanted to get your guidance on exploring that path.” Managers hate surprises, so it’s usually better to be transparent if you think they’ll hear it well. (Of course, if you suspect your boss might sabotage your attempt, you might hold off until you’ve basically secured the new role – use your judgment here.)
Network Internally: Start connecting with people in the area you want to go. This could be as simple as joining cross-departmental projects, attending company workshops or social events, or even reaching out to a colleague in the other team for a coffee chat. You can say, “I’m curious about what your group is working on; would love to hear about your experience.” People generally like talking about their work, and it shows initiative. These internal connections can often tip you off to openings or even informally recommend you to the hiring manager.
Polish Your Internal Resume (and Reputation): Even though you’re already in the company, you often still need to apply formally. Tailor your resume to highlight relevant experience and accomplishments that fit the new role. Use internal lingo or project names that the new team will recognize – that’s a perk of being an insider. Also, ensure your current work is in good order: keep delivering results in your current job so you come off as a strong performer (word will get around). Clean up any messes before you move. You want the narrative to be, “She’s great, we’re sad to lose her but she’ll be great in that new role,” not “He was just trying to jump ship because he was underperforming.”
Ace the Interview (or “Coffee Chat”): Treat any meeting with the prospective team as professionally as you would an external interview. Sometimes internal processes are informal – maybe a manager just chats with you. Don’t be too casual. Come prepared to explain why you want the move, what you bring to the table, and ideas you have for the new role. Be ready to discuss both your current experience and how you’ll handle the learning curve of the new position. Also, avoid trash-talking your current team or boss; keep it focused on positive growth. Everyone knows no company is perfect, but you want to show you’re running toward something, not just away.
Follow Up and Follow Through: If you get the transfer – congratulations! Work with your current and new managers to ensure a smooth transition. There may be a negotiation between departments about your start date in the new role. Try not to burn bridges; offer to help train a replacement or document your key tasks before you go. People will remember that professionalism. If you don’t get the transfer this time, seek feedback. Perhaps you need more experience or there were simply more qualified candidates. Use it as a learning opportunity and express gratitude for the consideration. It might set you up for the next opening. And in the meantime, you can work on the skills or connections you might be lacking.
Example in Action: Jenna was a customer support rep who wanted to move into the marketing department. She loved the company but felt customer support wasn’t utilizing her creative side. Instead of quitting to find a marketing job elsewhere, she tried an internal path. First, Jenna started to volunteer for any marketing-related task she could get – she offered to write a few blog posts and helped the marketing team at a trade show booth (with her manager’s approval). This gave her exposure to the marketing folks and some experience. Next, she had an honest talk with her supervisor, saying she’d like to apply for a junior marketing role that was opening, and asked if he would support her. Because Jenna was a strong performer and approached it respectfully, her boss agreed (he was sad to lose her but knew the other team was getting a great contributor). She applied, nailed the interviews (she could speak about the blog posts and trade show like real experience), and got the job! Jenna’s story teaches us that being proactive and collaborative about an internal move can pay off. By demonstrating interest and building goodwill, she made the jump without burning bridges.
Pro Tips: Succeeding with internal moves comes down to a few key things:
Timing Matters: If your department is in the middle of a crunch or your boss just gave you a big new project, it might not be the best moment to announce you want out. Unless it’s urgent, try to time your transfer request when things are relatively stable and after you’ve recently accomplished something significant (so your value is clear).
Leverage Company Resources: Many companies have formal programs for internal mobility – like a job board or policies about transfers (for example, you might need to be in your current role for a year before eligible to apply elsewhere internally). Familiarize yourself with these. Maybe HR or your company’s internal portal has guidelines. Showing you’ve done your homework will make the process smoother.
Stay Professional No Matter What: Office politics can get tricky when moving internally. Some colleagues might feel uneasy or even jealous. Stay humble – you’re not guaranteed the job, and even if you get it, you’ll likely still interact with your old team. Handle everything – from the first inquiry to the final day in your old role – with courtesy and gratitude. Thank your old team, and don’t brag about your new gig. The halls have ears, and you want the gossip about you to be glowing (“She handled that so well!”) rather than grumbling.
The Situation: What if climbing the ladder internally isn’t an option, or you just need a fresh start? Many professionals will face the moment where it’s time to switch companies. It could be for a better salary, a higher position, a different culture, or an entirely new field. Changing jobs can be exciting and daunting. You might worry about leaving the familiar, or dread the job search grind of resumes and interviews. Rest assured, switching jobs is extremely common nowadays – the median tenure at a job is only about four years (bls.gov) – so you’re not an outlier for considering a move. The key is to do it smartly so that your next move is a step forward for your career, not a stumble.
Try This: Be Strategic from Search to Resignation. When it’s time to jump ship, approach it like a project with a beginning, middle, and end:
Clarify What “Better” Means to You: Before you even start sending out applications, define your goals. Is it higher pay? More work-life balance? A role with leadership opportunities? Maybe you want out of a toxic culture. Knowing your top priorities will help you target the right companies and roles. Write down your “must-haves” and “nice-to-haves” in a new job. This will keep you focused and prevent you from jumping at the first offer if it doesn’t truly meet your needs.
Do Your Homework on Target Companies: Treat it like investigative journalism. Research companies in the industry or role you want: read reviews on Glassdoor (with a grain of salt), scan their press releases or news, and check LinkedIn to see if you have connections who work there. If possible, reach out to a friend or a friend-of-friend at the company to get the real scoop on the culture and expectations. It’s amazing how much you can learn from an informal chat. This step helps you avoid leaping from the frying pan into the fire – the last thing you want is to land in another bad workplace because you didn’t know the signs.
Refresh Your Personal Brand: Update that résumé and LinkedIn profile before you start applying. Highlight measurable achievements (“increased X by 20%,” “managed a team of 5,” etc.) to show your impact. Clean up any outdated or irrelevant info. Also, craft a concise, positive story for why you’re looking to move. You will be asked this in interviews (and possibly by colleagues if word gets out). Something like, “I’m looking for a new challenge where I can use my [skills] to [goal]” is a forward-looking explanation. Avoid badmouthing your current job in public forums – you can be honest with close confidants, but on LinkedIn or interviews, stay constructive.
Network Discreetly: Most jobs are found through connections. Let trusted people in your network know you’re open to new opportunities. Emphasis on trusted – you don’t want your current boss hearing rumors too soon. You might reach out to mentors or former colleagues at other companies to say you’re exploring the market. Consider attending industry events or meetups to expand your network (even virtual events/webinars can lead to connections). Sometimes simply letting the right people know you’re looking will put you on the radar for roles that aren’t even advertised yet.
Ace the Interviews: When you start getting those interview invites, prepare, prepare, prepare. Research the common questions for your role. Practice your answers, especially your career story and how you handle challenges (since you’ve likely dealt with a few at your current job!). Have examples ready that showcase your skills and accomplishments. And prepare some thoughtful questions to ask them – remember, you’re interviewing the company too. For instance, ask about the team’s working style, how success is measured, or professional development opportunities. This not only impresses them, it helps you determine if it’s the right fit. Also, be ready to address why you’re leaving your current job in a diplomatic way. Keep it brief and steer the conversation toward why you’re excited about their role.
Evaluate the Offer (Don’t Jump at the $$ Only): Congrats, you got an offer! Now, carefully consider it. Salary is important (and yes, negotiate if it’s below market or just below your expectation – companies often expect some negotiation). But also weigh other factors: benefits, commute/remote flexibility, company stability, growth opportunities, work culture, and the role’s responsibilities. Does it align with the “must-haves” you listed earlier? If something is lacking, can you negotiate for it? For example, if the salary is a bit low but you really like the job, maybe negotiate a signing bonus or an earlier review cycle. It’s easier to negotiate before you sign than after.
Leave Gracefully: Once you’ve signed a new offer and are ready to depart, handle your resignation with class. Even if you’re desperate to leave or had a horrible experience, resist any temptation to vent or burn bridges. Draft a short and positive resignation letter (thank them for the opportunity, etc., without going into too much detail). When you tell your boss, keep it respectful: “I’ve been offered an opportunity that I’ve decided to accept. It’s been a tough decision. I want to thank you for all your support here.” They might be surprised or even upset, but maintain your professionalism. Offer to help with the transition in your remaining time. Importantly, don’t slack off during your notice period – finish strong. Colleagues will remember how you exit. You might even get a nice farewell and doors left open for the future. And definitely don’t forget to say goodbyes to those who mattered to you and stay in touch via LinkedIn or contact info. Your network will carry forward.
Example in Action: I’ll share a quick story from my own career. A few years back, I realized I had hit a growth ceiling at my company. I was comfortable there, but too comfortable – the learning had plateaued. I decided it was time to look elsewhere to advance my skills. I listed my priorities: I wanted a role where I could lead a team, a company with a more innovative culture, and yes, a pay bump. I started casually reaching out to former colleagues and letting them know I might be looking. One contact at a scaleup mentioned they were expanding and might need a leader in to drive HR and Recruitment. I researched the company and it looked promising (growing revenue, good press, Glassdoor reviews mostly positive).
I decided to apply formally and got an interview. Before the interviews, I did hours of prep – I even did mock interviews with a friend. When they asked why I was looking to leave, I focused on the positive: “I’ve learned a lot in my current role, and now I’m excited to take on a bigger leadership position which I see your team is offering.” The process went well, and I got an offer. I was thrilled – but the offer was actually a bit under the market rate I expected. Instead of immediately saying yes, I professionally negotiated: I thanked them and asked if there was flexibility on the salary, citing my experience. They came back with a slightly better number and some stock options. I accepted. Then came the hard part: resigning from a company where I’d grown up professionally. I was honest but diplomatic with my boss, and to my relief, she was very understanding and supportive. I worked diligently during my two-month notice to wrap things up. On my last day, my team threw me a little farewell, and my boss even said I’d be welcome back in the future. That meant a lot to me – it showed that leaving on good terms keeps your professional relationships intact. Fast forward, the new job was indeed a great step up. I occasionally grab coffee with my old colleagues, and there are no hard feelings. The moral: job hopping can be very positive if you handle it thoughtfully and respectfully.
Pro Tips: A few closing tips on switching companies successfully:
Mind Your Online Presence: During a job search, assume any potential employer will look you up online. Google yourself and see what comes up. Clean up any public social media content that might be unprofessional. On LinkedIn, consider turning off your activity broadcasts if you’re connected with coworkers – you don’t want your whole network alerted every time you update your profile or connect with a recruiter.
Keep It Quiet (Until It’s Time): It’s usually best not to tell your current employer you’re looking elsewhere until you have to. Some people worry about feeling “dishonest,” but job searching is a personal endeavor. You haven’t committed any wrongdoing by exploring options. Avoid doing anything too obvious like dressing overly formal randomly (if your office is casual) or requesting a bunch of odd-hour appointments (people can guess those are interviews). If you need to interview during work hours, see if you can take personal time off.
Learn From Each Move: After you’ve transitioned to the new job, take stock a few months in. Is it meeting your expectations? What could you do differently next time you make a career move? Switching jobs occasionally is part of modern career life – doing it smartly is a skill you’ll keep honing.
And hey, if you’re planning a move and want more guidance, I cover this extensively in that upcoming free masterclass (wink wink, join the waitlist at the end of this post).
The Situation: You’ve been working hard, you’re delivering results, and you haven’t seen a pay bump in a while. You know you deserve a raise, but just thinking about asking for more money makes your stomach flip. Many of us (myself included) feel awkward talking about money with our employer. Common fears pop up: “What if they say no? Will it damage our relationship? What if I come off as greedy or ungrateful?” Here’s a reframe: advocating for your worth is a normal part of professional life. In fact, studies have shown that about 75% of people who asked for a raise got some kind of pay increase for doing so (linkedin.com). Those are pretty good odds! The key is in how you ask. Let’s break down the approach so you feel confident and prepared.
Try This: Prepare, Practice, and Pick the Right Moment. Asking for a raise is part art, part science. You want to make a strong case and deliver it well. Here’s the play-by-play:
Build Your Case with Data: Think of asking for a raise like presenting in a courtroom – you need evidence. Over the next few weeks (or even months), keep a “brag file” of your accomplishments. Quantify them wherever possible: e.g., “Implemented a new system that saved 50 hours of labor per month,” or “Brought in 10 new clients, increasing revenue by 15%.” If your role isn’t easily quantifiable, gather positive feedback emails or note successful projects you led. Also research your market value – sites like Payscale or Glassdoor can give a ballpark for your role and experience in your region. If you find you’re underpaid compared to the market, that’s useful data. You don’t necessarily present all these numbers outright in the meeting, but it gives you confidence and backup.
Choose the Right Timing: Timing can be everything. Ideally, ask after a big win (landed a client, finished a major project, got great performance feedback). Also, be mindful of the company’s financial situation and review cycle. If you know budgets are decided in December, start conversations in the fall. Avoid asking when your boss is super stressed or the company just announced layoffs or poor earnings – context matters. A good time might be during a performance review or one-on-one when discussing your growth, or you can request a special meeting saying you’d like to discuss your performance and compensation.
Practice Your Pitch: This is so important. Rehearse what you’ll say, either in front of a mirror or with a friend (or both). You want to sound confident, clear, and positive. Start by expressing your enthusiasm for your job and the team, then hit your main points: your accomplishments and contributions, and then the ask. For example: “I’m proud of the value I’ve brought over the last year, such as [briefly list one or two big wins]. I’d like to discuss my salary and whether we can consider a raise of X% to better reflect my contributions.” Tailor the wording to your style, but avoid lengthy justifications or personal reasons (like “my rent went up” – focus on merit, not need). Practicing helps you avoid rambling or sounding apologetic.
Be Specific in Your Ask: It’s often better to ask for a specific number or percentage increase rather than just “Can I have a raise?” Do your homework to come up with a reasonable ask – perhaps 5-10% if that aligns with market data and your performance, or whatever is appropriate in your situation. Being specific shows you’ve done your research and know your worth. It also gives a starting point for negotiation. Sometimes the company might not give the full amount, but you might still get something. For instance, you ask for a 10% increase and they counter with 6% – that’s still a win you might not have gotten if you never asked.
Anticipate Objections (and Plan Responses): Think ahead to what reasons your boss or HR might give if they’re hesitant. Common pushbacks: “It’s not in the budget,” “Company-wide salary freeze,” “Let’s revisit in a few months,” or “You’re already at the high end for your role.” While some of these might be firm, you can prepare gentle responses. If it’s budget, maybe ask about other forms of compensation (bonus, extra vacation days, professional development funding). If they say you need to take on more responsibilities, you could respond, “I’d be open to that. Can we set some concrete targets so I can work towards a raise in the near future?” Having a calm, professional answer ready will make you feel more in control.
Keep the Conversation Positive and Professional: During the meeting, be confident but not threatening. Don’t issue ultimatums like “Give me a raise or I’ll quit” unless you’re actually prepared to leave (that can burn bridges). Instead, frame it as a collaborative discussion. You’re on the same team as your boss, and you’re seeking their help to get you to the salary that matches your contributions. Also, be sure to listen to your manager’s feedback or reasoning. If they say, “I agree you deserve this, but I need to get approval,” then ask if there’s any info you can provide to help them. If they say, “Now isn’t a good time,” ask when you can revisit and set a reminder to follow up.
Example in Action: Early in my career, I never asked for raises – I assumed if I worked hard, it would just happen. Spoiler: that’s not always true. One year, after taking on significantly more work and crushing some key projects, I was disappointed to get only a standard small annual increase. I realized my boss might not fully understand everything I had accomplished, in part because I hadn’t communicated it well. The next year, I decided to ask. I prepared a one-pager for myself listing my key achievements: launching a new process that improved team efficiency, mentoring new hires, and consistently meeting targets. I also found that my salary was about 20% below the market average for my role in our city. I scheduled a one-on-one with my manager (who was pretty approachable) and said I wanted to discuss my growth. In the meeting, I was nervous, but I followed my script: I highlighted how I loved the team and was proud of my recent contributions (mentioning a couple of specifics), then said something like, “In light of these contributions, I’d like to discuss my compensation. I researched and found the market rate for someone in my position is around $X. I believe an adjustment of about 15% would reflect the value I bring. What do you think?” Then I stopped talking – that part is hard, but I let my boss speak next. To my surprise, she was receptive. She agreed I had stepped up, but she needed to talk to HR. A week later, she came back and offered a 7% increase (company budget constraints, etc.). I accepted – that was 7% more than I might’ve gotten if I stayed silent! Even better, it opened the door to a conversation about my career path. We set some goals for me to hit to get to the next salary band. Walking out, I wondered, “Why didn’t I do this sooner?” The experience taught me that asking professionally works more often than not, and it doesn’t make you look bad – it makes you look like you know your worth.
Pro Tips: A few additional nuggets when it comes to raises:
Practice Negotiating in Low-Stakes Situations: If you truly dread these conversations, build your skills by negotiating elsewhere in life. Maybe it’s haggling a bit on a cable bill, or diplomatically discussing who does what chores at home. It sounds silly, but getting comfortable asking for things in various scenarios trains your brain to be calm and assertive when it counts.
Know Your Company’s Pay Philosophy: Some companies strictly give raises at certain times or have caps. If your company only does annual raises at review time, asking outside that cycle might not yield much. In that case, you can still have the conversation, but frame it as looking ahead: “What can I do in the next 6 months to be in position for a raise at year-end?” Show you’re willing to work for it (and then make sure they follow through if you meet the goals).
Have a Plan B (if the Answer is No): Despite best efforts, sometimes you’ll get a no. Don’t get discouraged or burn bridges. Thank your manager for their time and ask for feedback: “I understand. Could you advise me on what I would need to demonstrate to earn a raise in the future?” This turns it into a development discussion. If the answer is basically “nothing, we just don’t have the budget,” you might then consider other forms of growth – maybe a promotion instead of a raise, or you might keep this in mind if you decide to look externally. But always leave the conversation on a positive, determined note, not an angry or defeated one.
One more thing – discussing compensation can be sensitive. If you want more personalized strategies or even scripts, I’ll be covering that in the upcoming free masterclass too (link to waitlist at the end). Empowering yourself to ask for what you deserve is a huge part of “winning” at work!
For my Latest ebooks with complete breakdowns, even more in depth details, exact scripts that all my clients use and more check the links below!
The Situation: Even with great strategies for bosses, coworkers, and career moves, there’s an internal battle that many of us fight at work – keeping our confidence up. The workplace can dish out some brutal hits to our self-esteem. Think about it: have you ever had your ideas shot down in a meeting and then you hesitated to speak up again? Or maybe you made a mistake on a big project and started doubting your abilities. Perhaps you scroll LinkedIn and see colleagues from school seemingly skyrocketing in their careers, and you feel like you’re falling behind. One silent confidence killer is the infamous imposter syndrome – that nagging feeling that you’re not good enough despite evidence to the contrary. (It’s incredibly common; an estimated 70% of people experience imposter syndrome at some pointksat.com, including those at the top.) Add in toxic environments or unsupportive managers, and anyone’s confidence can take a nosedive. The problem is, when your confidence falters, it can affect your performance, creating a vicious cycle. So how do you protect and rebuild your confidence at work?
Try This: Practice Active Confidence-Building. Confidence isn’t something you either have or don’t have – it’s a skill you can cultivate. Here are strategies to avoid common confidence killers and keep your mojo strong:
Keep a “Wins” Journal: It’s easy to fixate on failures or criticisms and forget your successes. Combat this by keeping a personal log of achievements – big and small. Did you get praise from a client in an email? Save it. Finished a daunting task before the deadline? Note it. Even a solved conflict or a helpful idea you contributed counts. On tough days when you’re doubting yourself, read through your wins. It’s a powerful reminder that “Hey, I am capable, and here’s proof.” This isn’t bragging – it’s private positive reinforcement. I personally have a folder of “Kudos” emails from coworkers and clients that I peek at whenever I need a confidence boost. It sounds cheesy, but it works!
Reframe Mistakes as Lessons: Fear of failure is a huge confidence killer. We’re all going to mess up at times – what matters is how you respond. When something goes wrong, take a deep breath and analyze it like a scientist: What exactly went wrong? Why did it happen? And most importantly, what can I learn so I do better next time? By focusing on the improvement, you turn a hit to your confidence into a moment of growth. For instance, if you gave a presentation and it fell flat, maybe you learned you needed more prep or a clearer structure. Great, note that, and apply it next time. This way, your brain starts seeing mistakes not as proof that you “suck,” but as normal steps on the way to getting better.
Seek Feedback (from the Right People): Sometimes our own perception is harsher than reality. If you’re unsure how you’re doing, ask for feedback from a manager or mentor you trust. You might be surprised that they see strengths and progress you don’t see in yourself. Constructive feedback can also give you concrete areas to improve, which is empowering – it gives you a route to grow, rather than sitting in self-doubt. That said, be careful about whose feedback you internalize. Not everyone’s opinion needs to matter. A snarky comment from a competitive coworker is not the feedback to absorb. But a considered perspective from someone invested in your success? That’s gold.
Avoid the Comparison Trap: Comparing yourself to others is almost guaranteed to make you feel lacking because we often compare our worst to everyone else’s best. Remember, people usually showcase their highlight reels, not their bloopers. Instead of comparing, try this: compare yourself today to yourself from yesterday or last year. Focus on your own growth. Are you a bit more skilled or confident than a year ago? That’s progress. If you must look at others, do it to learn, not to envy. “What are they doing that I can try or learn from?” is a healthier approach. And keep in mind, everyone’s path is different – timing, circumstances, and choices vary widely. Your journey is unique, and it’s okay if it doesn’t look like someone else’s.
Surround Yourself with Positivity: Much like avoiding toxic colleagues, try to build a circle of colleagues or friends who uplift you. These are the people who celebrate your wins and give you a pep talk when you’re down. Maybe it’s a work buddy who you can candidly talk to when you feel unsure, and they remind you of your talents. Or a friend outside work who can give perspective. Sometimes just voicing your self-doubts to a sympathetic ear can release their power over you. Also, seek out mentors or coaches – people who have been in your shoes and can guide you. Their encouragement and advice can do wonders for confidence.
Invest in Your Development: One surefire way to feel more confident is to build your skills. If a lack of a certain skill or knowledge is making you feel insecure, sign up for a course, read books, or practice on side projects. For example, if public speaking freaks you out (as it does for many!), consider joining a group like Toastmasters or taking a presentation workshop. As you improve your competence, your confidence will naturally grow. Plus, it shows you that you’re capable of learning and improving, which is itself a confidence boost.
Take Care of Your Well-Being: It’s hard to feel confident when you’re burnt out or neglecting your health. Basic self-care has a direct impact on confidence. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep before that big meeting – being rested calms the nerves. Exercise, even a little, can work wonders to reduce stress and boost mood-chemicals in your brain. And take breaks! All work and no play will fray anyone’s nerves. When you feel balanced and healthy, you’re in a better mental state to tackle challenges without feeling overwhelmed.
Example in Action: Let me confess: I dealt with serious imposter syndrome in my first management job. I was leading people who were older and more experienced than me, and I was terrified I’d be exposed as a fraud who had no idea what I was doing. Every time a decision was on me, I’d second-guess it to death. It got so bad I was losing sleep and seriously contemplating whether they hired the wrong person. What helped me turn the corner was actively rebuilding my confidence foundation. I started keeping a private document where I listed every successful outcome – even small ones, like “handled a team conflict effectively this week,” or “client complimented our project delivery.” When performance review time came, I also got feedback from my team and to my surprise, it was positive: they actually liked my leadership style and felt supported. This external validation was a wake-up call that my inner critic was far harsher than reality. I also talked to a mentor, who told me something that stuck: “The fact that you worry about being a good manager means you’re a conscientious manager. Truly bad managers don’t even think about it.” That shifted my perspective: my self-doubt was a sign I cared – I just needed to not let it paralyze me. Over time, each project I guided to success, each hurdle I overcame, added a brick to my confidence wall. I still have moments of doubt (everyone does), but now I remind myself “Look at what you’ve done, you’ve got this,” and I take the next step. It’s an ongoing process, but I now truly believe in my ability to figure things out – and that’s what confidence is at its core.
Pro Tips: Here are some final tips to guard your confidence at work:
Celebrate Your Wins (no matter how small): In many workplaces, as soon as one task is done, it’s on to the next with no celebration. Make it a habit, at least for yourself, to acknowledge when you hit a goal or even get through a tough week. Maybe you reward yourself with a nice dinner or just a mental high-five, “I did that!” Sharing credit with your team or thanking someone who helped you also boosts a positive atmosphere and confidence for everyone.
Don’t Be Afraid to Say “I Don’t Know” (followed by “I’ll find out”): A hidden confidence killer is the pressure to have all the answers. News flash: nobody does. Strong professionals actually admit when they don’t know something – it shows honesty and a willingness to learn. If you don’t know an answer in a meeting, try saying “That’s a great question. I’m not sure offhand, but I will look into it and get back to you by this afternoon.” This kind of response turns a potential confidence hit (being caught off-guard) into an opportunity to demonstrate problem-solving. And it removes the fear that you’ll be “exposed” – because you’re owning it.
Filter the Critics: You may encounter people who doubt you or give harsh critique. Learn to filter which feedback is constructive and discard the rest. If someone is constantly negative with no real helpful input, consider the source and try not to internalize it. On the flip side, actively seek out people who believe in you. Their voices can help drown out the negative ones in your head.
Visualize Success Scenarios: This might sound a bit new-age, but it genuinely helps: before a high-stakes event (presentation, tough conversation, job interview, etc.), spend a few minutes visualizing it going well. Imagine yourself speaking confidently, imagine the positive reactions, picture overcoming any stumble gracefully. Athletes do this all the time – seeing the ball going in the hoop – because it mentally prepares you to succeed. When the real moment comes, it feels almost familiar and you’re more likely to perform with confidence.
Remember, confidence is a journey, not a destination. Even the most confident-seeming people have their doubts. The trick is to keep building yourself up consistently so when challenges come, that reservoir of confidence is there for you to draw on.
Final Thoughts: Winning at work isn’t about never having problems – it’s about facing those challenges head-on with smart strategies and a resilient mindset. Whether it’s handling a difficult boss, dealing with toxic coworkers, making a big career move, negotiating the raise you deserve, or just keeping your inner confidence fire lit, you now have a playbook of tactics to try. Think of this guide as a toolkit – pull out the right tool when you need it, and over time you’ll become adept at navigating almost any work situation.
One more thing: if you found these tips helpful and want to dive even deeper, I’ve got something for you. Want more on this? I’m putting together a free masterclass with all of these strategies and more real-life examples, kind of like a “workplace survival guide” live session. Join the waitlist here! I’d love to have you in the session and hear your own workplace war stories and victories.
Disclaimer: The information provided on YasarAhmad.com and in this blog post is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute professional advice. Every effort has been made to ensure accuracy, but results may vary based on individual circumstances. Always seek personalised advice from a qualified professional. See terms and conditions for more information.
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